Archive for November, 2009

Crabby Jesus

November 2, 2009

A friend asked me what I disliked about the Bible.

I read the “New Testament” this summer. First time.  I found Jesus to be a very crabby fellow.  I expected the airbrushed, gentle lamb with the blue eyes, surrounded by dewy-eyed children and woolly creatures.  Jesus seems like a man with a chip on his shoulder.  There is little room for error.  If you call someone so much as a fool, you might be in danger of hellfire.  Not only that, but he suggests the plucking out of eyes and the cutting off of hands if they lead one to temptation. When I was in junior high, a newspaper article described a man who followed Jesus’ advice and did just that, plucked out his own eye.  Maybe, that is why it has taken me so long to get around to reading the Bible.

Furthermore, Jesus believes very little in family ties.  He disregards his own mother and brothers. He tells the crowd they are his family now (Matthew 12:8.48-49).  When one disciple asks to bury his father, Jesus tells him to forget that, “Let the dead bury their dead” (Matthew 8:32.22).  His patience is constantly on end in regards to his new converts.  “I tell you the truth, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you.”

And even though Peter is a faithless, doubting, betrayer, it is suprising when Jesus acknowledges it when he says, “Out of my sight, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me.”  Matthew 16:2:23.

Jesus may have walked on water, but thank goodness he didn’t curse it.  When a fig tree fails to bear any fruit, Jesus yelled at it and declares, “You may never bear fruit again!” The poor tree withers. Jesus tells his disciples if they have enough faith they can do similiar damage. For instance, he suggests they can tell a mountain to go jump in the lake (Matthew 21:11.21-22).   Jesus just doesn’t seem to be very “green” here.

Besides this fit of temper, Jesus calls a poor beggar woman a dog.  He gives in however when she reminds them that even dogs get crumbs from the table. I’m just saying Jesus definitely has his edge.


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